"Come to me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
I have spent a good part of this past year walking around the mountain.... again and again. I have put ruts in the soil and my feet have cleared all the grass from my path. Sometimes I wonder, 'will I ever learn?'
Dear Reader, do you ever feel like you take two steps backward for every one forward? I sure do. These last few weeks I have felt very lonely and alone. I became depressed because I didn't feel like I had achieved what I expected in selling my book. I forgot the things that the Lord had spoken to me about it many months ago. I knew that I had cut off our communication, but I fell under the lies of the devil and then wouldn't allow myself to open the door and let Jesus speak to me. I believed that I was unworthy. Well, who benefits from that attitude? No one but Satan! He has kept me away from worshipping and communing with with my God, and nothing is better than that to him!
Yesterday I finally opened the door again. It was after my best friend prayed for me the night before as I wept and sobbed about how unloved I felt. Here is what Jesus spoke to me:
"I love you, Deirdre. I know that you have been suffering, but you need to rely more on Me and less on yourself. That in itself causes suffering. Only I can give you that peace you desire. You must come to Me to receive it. Don't expect to find it on your own. The devil puts a veil of covering over your peace and he steals your joy. Don't get out of the Word! Don't give him entrance to your heart.
"Learn to wait. Don't be so impatient. I have promised you things about your book, A Christmas I Remember. You have placed doubt about what I said in there. You started off on a great and happy path, and wound up being miserable. Why? Because you stopped believing, and just like Peter you saw what was happening around you, and your world came down, you lost sight of Me, and the miracle in your life went away!
"Temptation is a hideous thing. It is made to look beautiful and good, but it is full of filth and is putrid. Scale off the thoughts and see what happens. If you want to get anywhere, seek Me and My Kingdom first. Come to Me so that I can give you sight, and clear sight. I will let you know the good things; you will feel them in your heart.
"Don't think you can do this without Me. I've told you this before. Only I can show you what My divine plan is. It is My plan, not yours. Together, as I give you the incentive you need, we will build things that will help others. Be caring, be giving, be a servant.
"You are disappointed in the book sales. Why? You sold 541 books yourself! That is a great thing! Did you ever expect to do that a year ago? No! It wasn't even a thought! Not even 5 months ago did you know that you would have to personally sell these books! If you knew, you wouldn't have done it.
"I know that you are upset because you have hundreds of books left over. You didn't know how many to buy or how to sell them, and you were intimidated with it all. But look at the things you have learned! You have stepped out of the boat and you trusted Me! You had to place trust in Me. You conquered demons and lies, things like, "that's just not who I am." Well, Deirdre, in the flesh you weren't bold, or comfortable, but you know that your spirit-you wears a beautiful uniform and battles the enemy all the time!
"The spirit-you is not afraid, she looks to Me, her Commander, and knows that she can do ALL things through Me who gives her strength! She knows that she is much more than a conqueror!
"You need to remember who you really are! You are the righteousness of God in Me! I am your Healer, your Leader, the Love of your life, and your spirit-you knows I could never, ever leave you alone!
"You are gathering strength for what will come next. I do send you people to encourage you, but you don't take what they say to heart. I knock on your door but you don't invite Me in. Instead you brush off the compliments and the encouragement because you are afraid they will go to your head and you won't be humble or appear to be humble.
"I know your heart. I know if you are sincere or driven by ego. Just believe that each one I send really is from Me. Thank them and hold the words close to your heart. Let them give you strength! Don't shut your ears when people say you will be blessed, or that God is working in you. I am! I have sent them to tell you. Don't be like the man on the roof waiting for Me to save him from the flood. I do
"Our work is never done, child. You will have time to praise and worship in thanksgiving for what we have accomplished thus far. Your name is known by more people now than before. Your credibility is being established. Your blog is reaching more people. Keep it up.
"You have books on hand because you will need them. When you allow the enemy to steal your joy, you only see failure and debt. Did I not tell you that this book is blessed by Me?
"I forgive you for your thoughts and actions. I understand your thoughts. But you mustn't succumb to fear. It is a deadly thing. Keep you mind and eyes and heart on Me, not on what things look like.
"Remember there is a difference with fact and truth. Truth always surpasses fact. Fact is earthly, My truth is ordained!"
Dear Reader, I believe that this message is for all of us. For me personally it is about my book sales and the loneliness and depression I was feeling, but Jesus has a message in there for you too! We all must know that we need to step out of the boat and keep our eyes on Jesus. As soon as we stop doing that we sink into the depths of despair and darkness. He is always there knocking and sending someone to encourage us, or to give us guidance. He won't forsake us or leave us. He can't. It's not what He does. We must leave behind our doubts and fears with the ending of this year. We are new creatures in Christ and are able to start each day off anew. Let's begin 2012 with faith that Jesus hears our prayers and intercedes to the Father for us. Let's learn how to place our trust in Him!
I am going to get re-baptized on Wednesday because I want to leave my fear and doubt and self-loathing behind. I wish to arise from that pool with a new outlook and with eager anticipation of what He has promised me! No more do I want to be a prisoner to anger. If you haven't been baptized or feel you need to recommit, perhaps you should also check into it. Jesus did it.
Lord, I draw my strength from You. I don't know what plans You have for me, but I do know that they are plans of peace and not of evil, to give me future and a hope. (Jer 29:11). I'll try to remember that always. Thank you for opening up my eyes. I receive Your word today!