Monday, July 23, 2012

A Letter to the Lord

Dear Jesus,

I love You.  I  love our Father.  My life is in Your hands, and although that is the safest and most wonderful place to be, sometimes, for reasons that don't make any sense at all, I choose to walk away from that protection and security to a place that is on the doorway to hate, unforgiveness, pride, and judgement.

I can even hear You calling after me, "Come back child, My grace is sufficient," and yet I ignore You - my Friend, my Redeemer, my  Comforter.  It's like I've put on the iPod of the world, plugged it into my ears, and turned up the noise.  I have completely drown out the symphonic choir and the glorious melody of the heavenly host.

My life quickly spirals into a dark place where my anger surprises even me.  My rebellion makes me stop and wonder who I have become and how did I become so arrogant?

I find that I have become lost.  It was just a short time ago that I was laughing and praying and thanking You for all the pleasures of this life, great and small.  How does this happen so quickly?  Why don't I see it coming?

Why do I let myself fall out of Your grace?  I know that You haven't said, "See you later," but I did.  I know that Your heart aches for me, because I am Your love, as You are mine.

You wait patiently for me as I recover my wits and hold my hands to my ears and scream, "Stop it!  Just stop it!  I can't hear myself think with all the noise!"

I cry because my life is miserable, I am no longer happy, and I feel alone.  I have said things I regret, and acted like a fool.  I am so remorseful.  I don't believe I am worthy to ask for Your forgiveness, because I knew better, and this time I really messed up!  I feel like all is lost, and that even You, the great Forgiver and Healer has closed Your holy eyes to my plight.

Of course this is one of the biggest lies the enemy has placed in the front of my mind, the lie that says that I am unworthy, and unacceptable to You, because You are God and I have finally met the end of Your tolerance for walking out on my own!

Lord, forgive me once more.  Your word says that Your mercies are new every morning.  You say you will protect me from evil.

I believe You, I believe in You!  I trust that Your Word is Life.  I trust You, O Lord!

Forgive me once more and receive me into Your loving embrace.  I have returned downtrodden and humbled.  Filled with humility from the error of my ways!

Thank You, Father for always forgiving me and reminding me that Your mercy endures forever!

I thank You, Jesus for Your inspiration today.  Thank You for speaking to my very heart!  I love You.  Thank You for rescuing me.  Help me to help others.

Your child.

"The Lord will keep you from all harm - He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." Psalm 1221:7-8 NIV

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Psalm 23:6

"Listen God, I'm calling at the top of my lungs: "Be good to me! Answer me!" When my heart whispered "Seek God," my whole being replied, "I'm seeking Him!" Don't hide from me now!  You've always been right there for me; don't turn Your back on me now. Don't throw me out, don't abandon me; You've always kept the door open. My father and mother walked out and left me, but God took me in.  Point me down Your highway, God; direct me along a well-lighted street; show my enemies whose side You're on. Don't throw me to the dogs, those liars who are out to get me, filling the air with their threats.  I'm sure now I'll see God's goodness in the exuberant earth. Stay with God! Take heart. Don't quit.  I'll say it again: "Stay with God." Psalm 27:7-14 MSG

"Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever." Psalm 118:29

14 comments:

  1. Deidre, your words never cease to inspire me. . .what a grand way to bring closure to an evening and a warm welcome to the night! You are indeed one of God's angels:>)

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    1. Thank you, Sharla, have a sweet sleep! God bless you always!

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  2. Deirdre,
    I often lose my faith temporarily and feel so bad to have let my trust in my God, love of my life along with my savior and the Holy Spirit, falter--if only for a little while. Yet He forgives me and everyone again and again with neverending patience. How lucky we are to be loved by such an immortal, Holy, loving Creator. Good post--a bui t different from others.

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    1. Dear Micki, we all have our moments. Mine come on a regular basis it seems, but I manage to swallow my pride (which is painful) and beg forgiveness. In His sweet lovingkindness He does forgive me and reminds me that I am going to see trials, but that He will be there for me. So it's around the mountain I go again and again sometimes, but my destination is locked in, to the majesty of Heaven with my Lord and Savior! Sweet surrender! God bless you Micki!

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  3. Deirdre, I wasn't prepared for this from you but I love it. How often I have felt exactly this way and wondered if He could possibly forgive me again. How often I have felt that I strayed too far, even for HIm. Most of us need to hear this message once in a while and I thank you for it. Beautifully done.

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    1. Thank you, Linnea. I have many moments in these blogs of mine where I get very transparent and remind myself and whoever God leads to it that we will only manage to get by with Him by our side. Please see my blog from November 14, 2011 and let me know what you think. Thanks, my friend. God bless you and keep you!

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  4. So poignant--so passionate--so uplifting! Both you and Linnea write so beautifully from the heart with such honest emotion--absolutely beautiful!

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    1. Oh Sandy, I thank you so much for the kind words, it is nice to be in the company of dear Linnea, she indeed is a wonderful writer! I believe that our little band of merry (wo)men all have fine gifts from God and we are excited to use them to reach others. You bless me! God bless YOU!

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  5. Dear Deirdre - It is always an inspiration to read your messages. This one in particular, reminds us that the Lord never gives up on us but does rely upon us to continually seek him. In this world, we must exercise our free will but it never fails, we do find ourselves in all sorts of trouble and dealing with the fallout from our poor decisions. How lovely it is to know that beyond all doubt, we can always come home to our safe place.

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    1. Yes, it's reassuring to know that we are forgiven and that our future is secure when we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior. Knowing that God never fails us or leaves us unless we ask Him to leave (our own free will) gets me by. In times of sorrow and joy He is there at our side showering mercy upon mercy on us! God bless you Linda, and thank you so much for stopping by!

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  6. I needed this today. Thanks Deirdre! ~ Peggy

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    1. You're welcome, Peggy. I need it every day! God bless you!

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  7. Deirdra, Awakenings just nominated you for the Reader Appreciation Award. Check it out @ http://awakenings2012.blogspot.com/

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    1. OH my goodness! I need to get on the ball and post these awards that I am so proud of! Thank you Sharla, I very much appreciate it! God bless you!

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