Saturday, May 7, 2016

Her Name is Morgan

Her name is Morgan Elizabeth Woods and she is captivatingly beautiful like her mother and older sister. I'm sure her eyes must be blue and clear and deep. Her hair is light brown and curly. Her nose is that sweet little nose that only babies have, and her lips are perfect. I imagine they speak intimate words to God all the time. The day her life began in heaven was a Monday.  Monday's child is fair of face. Yes, that's a sweet way to put it. Fair of face. 

She will never know earth and the beauty of a mountain sunset, or the sun rising over the ocean on a tropical isle. She won't know snowball fights, or competing in a swim meet. She will never have a bath or pull her hair up in a bow. She can't wear frilly dresses and highly shined patent leather shoes on ruffled socks. She won't feel her mother's caress or her father's kiss. She won't play games with her big sister. She'll never swear and she'll never lie, she'll never get caught up in the ways of the world. She went from the womb to heaven.

Each Mother's Day I post something for those Moms that have lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, hours or days old, or abortion. I always emphasize that they are Moms, even if there was no other pregnancy in their lifetime. You can read one of those posts here

This year, I know what it is like to not meet a grandchild.  I try not to use the term 'lost a baby', because we never lost her, we know exactly where she is - in Heaven, playing with and worshipping the only One she has ever known - Jesus Himself. She was not born, and she didn't die. There is no birth certificate and death certificate, only Morgan Elizabeth Woods, daughter, 21 March 2016.  She was 28 weeks along, 2lbs 13oz, and 16" long when she decided to spend her 'life' with Jesus. She chose to live for eternity instead of being born into a corrupt and sin-filled world.

The fear and pain we felt was tremendous. Our daughter's placenta had separated from her uterus and she hemorrhaged.  Her own life was in grave danger, and here we were almost 500 miles away. The feeling of helplessness was overwhelming.  Although the doctor tried to give Morgan life that day, his efforts were futile. We called our Pastors and asked for some prayer and counseling before we began our long, trusting God-filled ride from Central Texas to Southern Arkansas. We spoke for almost two hours and they filled us up, and gave us encouragement and reminded us that God has a purpose for everything, whether we understand it or not. They comforted us and told us that they were always available to help.

Mary was in ICU and then transferred to Little Rock ICU, three hours away. She was given more blood, plasma, platelets, and saline than I ever knew the body could hold. She was in a good place being well taken care of, and was able to come home on Easter Sunday! Just as our Savior rose that day, so did our hearts soar that He chose that particular day to remind us that life is everlasting for those who believe.

It is heartbreaking to not hold a child you looked forward to knowing. Everyday from when we found out Mary was pregnant, my husband and I each wrote in the book I wrote for her and her three year old daughter, Makayla.  Dear Child of Mine is a devotional for pregnant women to read out loud over their unborn baby. There are 141 different devotions from week 6, Day 1 until Week 41, Day 2, and finally You Are Here! Each day has lines for the mother or grandmother to write her own thoughts and prayers for the baby she being carried.  We wanted this baby to know her grandparents, so we wrote in our own copy each day.

Morgan will never read those words, but they are there for Mary and her husband to read and remember how much Morgan was loved and how much we couldn't wait for her arrival. I wrote funny things, and my husband always called her, 'Little One.'  I hope our words give them comfort for years down the road.

I wish my daughter a Happy Mother's Day from the bottom of my heart.  My Mary has suffered a loss only a mother could feel. I only wish I could take all her pain away.  She is a wonderful Mom to Makayla, and one day she will once again see Morgan.  She will be that beautiful child with the light brown curly hair and cute nose who will be standing with Jesus with a big smile on her face!  She will know Mary, and Mary will recognize her immediately! 

I thank God for His goodness and love.  I thank Him that Morgan's life touched ours, that it was not for nothing. The excitement we felt at another grandbaby was joyful!  I smile even now remembering it. I still smile, although I won't hold her in this world, because I know I will hold her in the next.

For all you Moms that have felt the stabbing pain of not watching your precious child grow up, rest assured that they are in excellent hands, those of our Creator.  They are more alive than we are, and will be forever more! Whether you didn't know your baby or grandchild because of miscarriage, stillbirth, or abortion, you will someday, if you have become born again. So smile in your heart and know that they are in the midst of love so beautiful and strong there are no human words to describe it.

I wish you all a very Happy Mother's Day, and I wish you love and comfort and peace. Your baby is alive!  God bless you and keep you close to His heart. Rely on Him for your answers.