Leaving the Year Behind

"Come to me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28

I have spent a good part of this past year walking around the mountain....  again and again.  I have put ruts in the soil and my feet have cleared all the grass from my path.  Sometimes I wonder, 'will I ever learn?' 

Dear Reader, do you ever feel like you take two steps backward for every one forward?  I sure do.  These last few weeks I have felt very lonely and alone.  I became depressed because I didn't feel like I had achieved what I expected in selling my book.  I forgot the things that the Lord had spoken to me about it many months ago.  I knew that I had cut off our communication, but I fell under the lies of the devil and then wouldn't allow myself to open the door and let Jesus speak to me.  I believed that I was unworthy.  Well, who benefits from that attitude?  No one but Satan!  He has kept me away from worshipping and communing with with my God, and nothing is better than that to him!

Yesterday I finally opened the door again.  It was after my best friend prayed for me the night before as I wept and sobbed about how unloved I felt.  Here is what Jesus spoke to me:

"I love you, Deirdre.  I know that you have been suffering, but you need to rely more on Me and less on yourself.  That in itself causes suffering.  Only I can give you that peace you desire.  You must come to Me to receive it.  Don't expect to find it on your own.  The devil puts a veil of covering over your peace and he steals your joy.  Don't get out of the Word!  Don't give him entrance to your heart.

"Learn to wait.  Don't be so impatient.  I have promised you things about your book, A Christmas I Remember.  You have placed doubt about what I said in there.  You started off on a great and happy path, and wound up being miserable.  Why?  Because you stopped believing, and just like Peter you saw what was happening around you, and your world came down, you lost sight of Me, and the miracle in your life went away!

"Temptation is a hideous thing.  It is made to look beautiful and good, but it is full of filth and is putrid.  Scale off the thoughts and see what happens.  If you want to get anywhere, seek Me and My Kingdom first.  Come to Me so that I can give you sight, and clear sight.  I will let you know the good things; you will feel them in your heart.

"Don't think you can do this without Me.  I've told you this before.  Only I can show you what My divine plan is.  It is My plan, not yours.  Together, as I give you the incentive you need, we will build things that will help others.  Be caring, be giving, be a servant.

"You are disappointed in the book sales. Why?  You sold 541 books yourself!  That is a great thing!  Did you ever expect to do that a year ago?  No!  It wasn't even a thought!  Not even 5 months ago did you know that you would have to personally sell these books!  If you knew, you wouldn't have done it.

"I know that you are upset because you have hundreds of books left over.  You didn't know how many to buy or how to sell them, and you were intimidated with it all.  But look at the things you have learned!  You have stepped out of the boat and you trusted Me!  You had to place trust in Me.  You conquered demons and lies, things like, "that's just not who I am."  Well, Deirdre, in the flesh you weren't bold, or comfortable, but you know that your spirit-you wears a beautiful uniform and battles the enemy all the time! 

"The spirit-you is not afraid, she looks to Me, her Commander, and knows that she can do ALL things through Me who gives her strength! She knows that she is much more than a conqueror!

"You need to remember who you really are!  You are the righteousness of God in Me!  I am your Healer, your Leader, the Love of your life, and your spirit-you knows I could never, ever leave you alone!

"You are gathering strength for what will come next.  I do send you people to encourage you, but you don't take what they say to heart.  I knock on your door but you don't invite Me in.  Instead you brush off the compliments and the encouragement because you are afraid they will go to your head and you won't be humble or appear to be humble.

"I know your heart.  I know if you are sincere or driven by ego.  Just believe that each one I send really is from Me.  Thank them and hold the words close to your heart.  Let them give you strength!  Don't shut your ears when people say you will be blessed, or that God is working in you.  I am!  I have sent them to tell you.  Don't be like the man on the roof waiting for Me to save him from the flood.  I do

"Our work is never done, child.  You will have time to praise and worship in thanksgiving for what we have accomplished thus far.  Your name is known by more people now than before.  Your credibility is being established.  Your blog is reaching more people.  Keep it up. 

"You have books on hand because you will need them. When you allow the enemy to steal your joy, you only see failure and debt.   Did I not tell you that this book is blessed by Me?

"I forgive you for your thoughts and actions. I understand your thoughts.  But you mustn't succumb to fear.  It is a deadly thing.  Keep you mind and eyes and heart on Me, not on what things look like.

"Remember there is a difference with fact and truth.  Truth always surpasses fact.  Fact is earthly, My truth is ordained!"

Dear Reader, I believe that this message is for all of us.  For me personally it is about my book sales and the loneliness and depression I was feeling, but Jesus has a message in there for you too!  We all must know that we need to step out of the boat and keep our eyes on Jesus.  As soon as we stop doing that we sink into the depths of despair and darkness.  He is always there knocking and sending someone to encourage us, or to give us guidance.  He won't forsake us or leave us.  He can't.  It's not what He does.  We must leave behind our doubts and fears with the ending of this year.  We are new creatures in Christ and are able to start each day off anew.  Let's begin 2012 with faith that Jesus hears our prayers and intercedes to the Father for us.  Let's learn how to place our trust in Him! 

I am going to get re-baptized on Wednesday because I want to leave my fear and doubt and self-loathing behind.  I wish to arise from that pool with a new outlook and with eager anticipation of what He has promised me!  No more do I want to be a prisoner to anger.  If you haven't been baptized or feel you need to recommit, perhaps you should also check into it.  Jesus did it.



Lord, I draw my strength from You.  I don't know what plans You have for me, but I do know that they are plans of peace and not of evil, to give me future and a hope. (Jer 29:11).  I'll try to remember that always.  Thank you for opening up my eyes.  I receive Your word today!

A Small Prayer

Dear Lord,

Please bless me today, as I venture out in the world.  Protect me, Jehovah Ra'ah, the Lord my Shepherd.  May your Word be with me all day, filling the voids in my heart and mind.  Heavenly Father, God Most High, fill my thoughts with You, that my mind may not be idle and fodder for the enemy.  For You alone are worthy of constant and pure thought.  I love you, Father, and today I will do my best to glorify You and show everyone that I am Your child.

Amen.

God's Response to What I Have Learned

This is the response I received from yesterday's post, Things I Have Learned.

"Deirdre, You need to seek Me the right way.  Your heart needs to be pure.  You need to come to Me in humility and humble adoration all throughout the day.  You need to better remember that those blessed with a pure heart will see God!  (Matt 5:8)  You see me when your heart is pure and you have humbled yourself.  When you come before Me in worship, then you feel so good and you learn so much, and you get filled with my Holy Spirit.

"Keep both feet in the Kingdom.  Seek Me first.  Don't worry about things not yet here, like your books.  Don't think about those things that will come from Me in My time. Concentrate on the here and now; on each moment you are living.  See My beauty.  Feel My breath on you.  Know that I am here, and that I am in charge.  That I will defend you and give you strength  as you need it.  Know that I will never give Satan permission to take your life.  You will not be stolen from Me.  But you have free will to choose which direction you will go.  You can get very hurt going the wrong way, and you don't want to be hurt!

"I will allow you to help those I send your way, but you must do your part as well.  You have to pray, praise, and worship.  You must always show Me that I am worthy of your praise.  But don't worship me this morning and then speak trash this afternoon,where will that get you?  Certainly not further on the Kingdom path!  It is your choice to learn, repent, and move forward or circle around that big mountain one more time.  Which will it be?

"Be a better steward of all those things I have given you, especially your heart.  Don't allow corruption to enter and get a stronghold.  Only allow what is good and holy to enter and leave your heart.  Change your thinking by thinking before doing!  Pray, ask for guidance.  Don't just throw yourself into something, even if it seems good, that is like jumping into a raging river above a waterfall!  Where is the sense or safety in that?

"Go with peace in your heart.  I have enjoyed this time with you.  I love your desire to learn.  It makes things much easier, doesn't it?  I love you very much, Deirdre, I always will.  You are a blessing when you want to be.  And I love your spirit!  Have a beautiful day.  I'll be here, call anytime!"

Things I've Learned in 2011 - Part I

Dear Lord,

I have learned many things in 2011.  I am going to share with my readers some of those things You have taught me.

I learned that You brought me a book when I hadn't asked.  You answered my prayer to help me remember something from when I was a child to write for Kindra.  You brought Vel along to tell me it was a book.  You used other people to bless me.  You directed me to Tate Publishing.  You showed me many things about the process involved in publishing a book.  You gave me something small, but reminded me that I should not despise the day of small things (Zec 4:10).  I should not resent the seemingly small beginnings.  Instead, I should give myself wholeheartedly to the things that You are asking me to do, and trust that You will bless them and cause them to prosper and grow.  I should remember, as I am faithful with little, You will entrust me with more (Matt 25:21). 

I have learned to believe You. That there will be other books. But how they become reality, like A Christmas I Remember must come from You, in Your time, with a divine plan in place.  I should continue writing until You tell me to do something else.  I should not focus on a book, but on what You are teaching me.

I learned that it is not enough to ask You to touch me, but that I need to touch You.  I need to remember that it is not as important to ask what You can do for me, but what I can do for You!

I learned that without You I am nothing.  But to You I am everything!  You love me with a love I can't understand.  You care for me, You give me my heart's desire.  You love me!  You will not let me die without first knowing You.  You have befriended me, You have taken Your time to form me, to choose me, and to teach me.  Thank You that I am important to You.  And what does it matter if I am nothing to someone on earth?  They cannot make my hair grow, or my smile fade, or my soul sing.  Only You!

I love You, Lord.  I thank You for this opportunity to trust You once again.  Each time I put something out here I am trusting that You will send the right people to read it.  I will place Your answers on this page tomorrow.  In the meantime, I am living and breathing for You and because of You.  I will do my best to make You proud of me today!

Your daughter,
Deirdre

Should I Go On?

Should I continue with this blog?  Does it help anyone?  I would love to hear from you.