I am supposed to write, that's what God has told me. That I am supposed to open my heart and let people know what He has done for me.
I don't know if you have any idea, dear Reader, how difficult this is for me. I fight a battle in my mind daily between ego and trust. I believe that I am at a turning point now, either do as my God has told me with reverent awe, or feel Him remove the anointing He has given me to write. I am not ashamed to say that this causes fear to rise in me. I know that the spirit of fear is not from God. 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) tells us, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." Yet I fall trap to the deception that I am not good enough, that people don't even read this blog. The enemy tells me that the proof is in the lack of comments, even when I ask for them because I think maybe I ought to just stop altogether. But the statistics of this web page tell me that there are people out there who read it in different countries in the world. There is no way of me finding out who sends a comment or who has stopped by this web page, but I know you are there.
I am ready to do as God has asked me, and that is to open my heart. God speaks with me. I can imagine how the media would play that out! "So, you think GOD spoke to you?!" They would be incredulous and full of ridicule. They would sarcastically mock me, as would anyone who has never stopped talking long enough to hear Him talk to them. Yes, God speaks with me! And guess what? He speaks to you! You don't believe me? Who do you think is behind that sweet voice of conscience telling you not to do something or not to go down that street because danger lurks there? What about when you just "feel" like doing something nice for someone? Maybe you let them pay for their groceries first, or you hold the door open for someone, or you put a dollar in the Salvation Army kettle and smile and say "have a nice day!"
That is the voice of God Himself. He is NOT too busy to visit with you in Russia, or you in the Netherlands, or Malaysia, or Latvia, or Germany, or here in the great USA! He is watching, He is waiting, He is loving us, and teaching us.
I began this message with the title of learning to trust. I will write a book about trust, I believe that God wants me to. He is teaching me about trust. Let me tell you, I am not the best of students. I am going to lay my soul bare to you over the coming days or weeks or months or however long it takes for me to do what He has asked. I will walk through my fear as Joyce Meyer suggests, and share with you things He has said to me, and things I have replied. I will try to let you know that we are very much alike, you and I. We share many things that will help each other move forward.
I will end this with a beginning. I will share with you the things that He spoke with me and what I have spoken with Him. I am beginning with a prayer for you and I.
My Dear Lord,
I come before You today somewhat afraid, and humbled by Your majesty. I am going to obey You and allow myself to be transparent to those You have selected to be a part of my life. I ask You to give me strength to go forward with what You have told me to do. I ask that You replace fear of ridicule and mockery with trust in You.
I know in my heart that You won't leave me, for You have told me so. The voices of the world shout so loud in my ear to not bare my soul, but Your still small voice beckons me to believe that You will accomplish great things through me, if I only allow You to. I believe that You will lead me in battle and that Jesus will fight for me! I believe that the victory is already ours, and that with every little skirmish I get through with Your help, the easier it will become for me to trust You.
I pray that sooner rather than later I grow into that woman You chose me to be. I surrender myself to You right now, witnessed by whoever may be reading this, to do my best to accomplish what You want me to, and to give the glory to You, Lord! It is only through You that what I write will be the answer to someone's prayer. Use me as Your pen, let my words be Yours, and let my heart become happier with each message we share. I collaborate with You, Lord, to write the words that will bring sight to the blind and heal the brokenhearted.
I love You more than I can put on this page, and I thank You for loving me and everyone reading these words. I thank You for every person that You have and will place in my life to bring You glory. I give You honor, Lord, and I thank You for saving my soul, and for choosing me for such a time as this. Amen.
Dear Reader, I will be back. Please bear with me as I obey and trust. Thank you for your kindness, and I ask God to bless each one of you in the name of the Holiest of holies.